REBORN

Dedicated especially to my husband and my child, I truly love both of you.

Also, to my oldest sister whom God had sent to me as an angel.
Thank you.

To the people who experience the same feeling. I hope this will give you strength. And to the people who do not understand what is going on in my life, hope this will make you understand more of me.

Title: Life
By: myself

Thank u God for all Your blessings
Thank u God for all Your care
Although I have forsaken You
But again and again You touch my heart,
Touch my soul
Make me realize that I am wrong
Make me open my eyes to a greater experience
That I know some of you might not feel it before

This is a feeling I cannot describe
But for some of you that might not be as lucky as me
To be given this feeling by God
Let me try to tell you that, this feeling will make you LIVE!
Make your heart tremble with Fear
Make your heart beating with Joy
The GREATEST JOY that you would not want it to end
Yes, it is Addictive as you will soon beg" JESUS...
please let me feel it again."
For I myself do not want it to end
For I have gone mad thinking, "Will this joy go away?"
Yes I know it will, gradually, If I choose that path
If I choose that road.

I first thought to myself,"
Yes, that is my path."
So I tried to go through that road
I thought I could do it
I thought it is the right thing to do
in this timeline, in this society

So, I carried the burden inside my heart
Knowing that my GREATEST JOY will soon fade away.
If I continue that path
If I continue that road
Keeping my burden, at first to myself
But as days goes by, my darkened heart kept on trembling
Tremble with fear, tremble inside my deepest heart
Make me awake at night
Feeling scared, feeling mad
And I soon pushed away those who love me for who I am,
those who really care about me.

"What is happening to me God?" I asked.
"What is the meaning of this?
Why nobody could help me,
Why nobody understand?"

You! Who think that this is just an act.
Who think that I am weak.
Who think that I am a spoilt brat.
Let me tell you that You are Right!
Yes, I am weak. Yes, I am a spoilt brat.
As I am just another an imperfect creation of God
Who have tried that path which you wanted me too and I have failed.

(Again, let me describe further)
As the feeling I have inside of me has made me
do what I would not have done before in the past
To go against everybody's will
To go against the normal society would do

This feeling has made me feel that I am on top of the world
Yet sometimes this feeling has brought me down
Down to the deepest ocean floor
Feeling helpless
Feeling confused
Now, I ask myself "Do I want to go through that path?
That path that I first once chose?"

(I thought to myself)
It has been a while since I felt that
Life for me is breathing
Breathing blindly day by day
Going through my life like it is a routine going on and on
Without knowing what is the feeling
To be excited in welcoming the next day
As I know that I will experience the same exact feeling again

It is meaningless it is empty
I do not feel that it is right
I do not feel that it is mine
To go through day by day feeling EMPTY
Once I read a phrase,"This is life, so let us live!"
But "Why God, You have given me life?
What is the meaning of life for me?" I questioned myself
Is it doing the thing that I do not want to do?
Is it doing good, growing old and die?

God thank You for You have shown me
That I HAVE to Follow My Heart
Even though I know that some people will hurt me
Even though I know that some people will mock me
But God, thank You for giving me STRENGTH
And make me realize that this is the right path.
The path that will make me feel I am living

Even though I know that This Path is not easy.
As I might soon feel miserable
From those people who mocked me and judged me for who I am
But I do not care
As I have chosen to go through most of my life with you.
You, who has given me joy
You, who has made everything beautiful
I need you...I need you to show me what is life meant for me...

This feeling I cannot hide
This feeling is real
It made me experience tears of Joy
It also made me experience tears of Pain
So helped me God
Please give me STRENGTH
To go through my life day by day
This path that I have chosen
In spite of what I should have done
To take all the consequences whether good or bad
As now I have learning to be a full grown woman

God, I felt that this is right
I felt that I am being Reborn
So, please helped me God to be firmed in my decision
Thank You, God
What more could I ask?
I am so lucky you are mine
A loving caring husband
A healthy baby girl
A supportive family
What more could I ask?

Please God once again, I plea Thee
Help me go through this path
This path that I have now finally chosen
to be the path that will make the most of my memories in my life
Again, I cried to Thee
Help me God
Give me STRENGTH
Tears will fall
Sorrow will come
But this is MY LIFE
And when it is time for me to grow old, sick and weary,
I do not feel worry or sad
And I could still smile and said
Thank You Jesus, Thank You JESUS
For I HAVE LIVED

Especially dedicated to my loving husband and my child.

Please remember
That both of you are mine
Both of you are the best thing that has happened in my life
I could not ask for anything better

Although I have hurt you in the past
Although I have make you sad
Please remember that I am not perfect
Please forgive me for the things that I have done wrong

I treasure you as both of you are the two MOST important people in my life
My child and my husband

YES, I believe!
That you are GOD'S GREATEST GIFT in my life